The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
