I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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