do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
