I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
