And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
