I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
