We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
