remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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