i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
