i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
