drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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