Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
