R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
