I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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