I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
