Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
