so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize