I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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