Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
