weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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