I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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