And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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