In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
