the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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