I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
