I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she pinky promised me she was 18
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize