I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
