Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
