just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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