Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
