As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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