So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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