Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
