The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
