So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize