Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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