thus making me awesome and them whores
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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