he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize