if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
bring money and cleavage
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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