It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
