Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
