Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
