She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize