I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
