im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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