My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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