using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
