You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
