I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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