True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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