Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
