i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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