I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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