Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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