I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
