i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
