I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You may now shotgun with the bride
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
