When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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