first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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