dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
