all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
