One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
